Friday, October 9, 2009

"Don't give up. It's just the hurt that you hide..."

[tunes]: None, because this computer doesn't have Adobe, which is just lame. I'd move to another one, but this is the 4th computer I tried in this room and the only one that worked so far. Not about to test my luck again... Have been listening to Josh Groban again, lately. Don't know why it's been so long since I last listened to him. Very good.



Today, I woke up at 11:00am thinking that it was going to be a fairly decent day. My first two classes of the day were cancelled, so I got to sleep in, (something I desperately needed after the crap night's sleep from the day before,) and my first class wasn't until 1:25. It's now 10:30pm, and I've long since taken back what I said about today being a decent day. It wasn't. The worst part is that it wasn't because of anything that happened. It was just me letting things get to me.

I'm one of those people who let things bottle up and pretend that everything is just fine when I'm around people even when things aren't. I don't really know why I am that way, but I am. I think it's a mash up of various things, but that's not really important to know. When I'm around my friends I'm usually smiling or being silly. I joke about things that tend to upset me. I brush them off. It works for the time being, but then I'll have a day like today which just sucks. Even now I'm beginning to brush it off saying, "Ehh, I'm over it now." I am now, but it'll be back eventually. Even writing this here is hard because I feel like I'm whining and complaining and I don't like being vulnerable. That is probably a huge part of the issue.

I guess I should probably get to the whole point of why today turned out to be crap. Well, it's Homecoming weekend here at IUP, and everyone seems to be doing something with someone somewhere. Me? I've got absolutely nothing planned. I'm probably not going to the game tomorrow because I'd end up going by myself. I don't really know anyone here. I know a few people, but of the two people I talk to the most here, one isn't even going to the game and has other plans with some friend, and the other one went home for the weekend. She's really having a homecoming weekend. lol. I don't really get why they call it Homecoming, since I left home to be here... (There I go making (lame) jokes again.)

This whole not really having friends here wouldn't be such a big issue if I had a car. If I had a car, perhaps I'd have a job, which would mean I'd know some people from work. If I had a car, I could go visit my friend in Clarion when I'm feeling lonely since it's only an hour and a half away. But I don't have a car. And I don't have a job. And I don't have any friends here yet.

So yeah. That's the main point of why I'm in such a crappy mood today. There are other things, but they aren't worth getting into...

No comments:

Post a Comment