As life continues on, I have become exceedingly more aware of my inability to tell how a person feels about me. While I have friends, some of which whom I truly do believe actually like me and like being around me, I am constantly assuming everyone finds me annoying to be around. What sucks about it, though, is that I can pinpoint exactly why I am this way, and I don't know of any way to fix it because it all happened when I was little and some how left deep emotional scars I'm not even aware of or some psychological bullshit like that. Basically, childhood fucks you over for the rest of your goddamn life.
Anyways, this really all boils down to the fact that I like this guy, and since my entire childhood -- actually pretty much my entire life -- consists of no guy I like ever liking me back, that means he probably doesn't like me. Which I could deal with if I actually knew that for a fact. But I don't. And I know I don't. So, while I will go on assuming this for my entire life, I know somewhere that that bullshit little motherfucker called Hope is busy hoping away that I'm wrong, but there's no way I'll ever know because I'll never ever come out and ask when the possibility of rejection and embarrassment is that high.
To make a long story short, I'm fucked all over the place. This is why I will live alone with dogs for the rest of my days.
