Heartless Bitch.

I've decided to become one.

I'm sick and fucking tired of emotions and feelings and all that bullshit that just ends up making me feel like shit. It's not worth my time and it's not like anyone cares about my heart anyways. No one even notices it's there. Either they're completely oblivious to it, or assume it's made of goddamn steel. It's not. It's a weak piece of shit that does incredibly stupid things my brain tells it not to.

So I'm done. No one will ever see it again, and I'm half tempted to hide it so far away that I won't even remember where it is.

For now, though, I'll just hide it from everyone else and only bring it out in the deep recesses of my dark room while watching P.S. I Love You so as to remind myself why I don't want the stupid thing anyways.

Fuck love. It hasn't done a fucking thing for me, so I'm done waiting around for it. Goodbye, heart. Hello, heartless bitch.

Creeping.

Sooooo...

Someone around here is straight up creeping on this blog. Unless everyone who has been on here lately just happens to have an Android, which I highly doubt.

It wouldn't be so creepy if, whoever it was, didn't come here EVERY SINGLE DAY, despite me not having posted anything in at least a week, maybe more. I honestly don't keep up with how frequently I post.

But yeah.

Creepy creeper is creeping.

It's hard...

It's hard to accept yourself when nobody around you seems to accept you.

It's hard to feel beautiful when no one else seems to think that you are.

It's hard to trust when no one around you feels trustworthy.

It's hard to be around people when no one seems to want to be around you.

It's hard to love yourself when no one around you seems to love you.

I have feelings, too.

I have feelings, too.

People seem to forget that. Whether it's because I put on a good show or because just they don't care, I don't know.

I have feelings and hopes and dreams. I have wants and needs, but they never happen for me.

I always get left behind. Left out. Forgotten.

Unloved.

And I'm afraid I always will be.

Changing places, changing life.

     This summer did not turn out the way I expected it to. Besides having a new dog in the house, nothing was as expected. By the end of the summer, I was working anywhere between 50-60 hours a week between two jobs and things were falling apart. Needless to say, by the end of summer, I couldn't wait to leave town. I wasn't necessarily ready to get back to college, but at least it was an escape.

     Now, here I am, and I am feeling happier than I have in quite some time. I feel more included than I have all summer and my friends are putting a smile on my face that has been missing for a while now. This isn't the happiest I've ever felt - not by a long shot - but I am already in a much better place than I was back home. Hopefully, things begin to look up because I don't want to be back where I was this summer and this past spring...

This house makes me sick.

Whenever my brother and dad are together, they turn into the world's biggest douchebags. They think they are the be all and end all of knowledge. They think they know everything and no one else is right. They watch something on TV but hardly listen to what's going on because they're too busy pontificating on why they are right and not the people talking on TV. All they do is bitch and moan and when anyone disagrees with them or challenges them in any way, they gang up on them and don't let them get in a word in edgewise. I should know, because I'm usually the one being ganged up upon. I fucking want to punch them in the face.

I hate this house.

Hopefully I'll be able to find someplace I actually enjoy living one day. Someday I'll find a place to happily call home...

Fuck this.

I hate my life.

Not that anyone would notice.