Last night, after a fair amount of drinking at a party and getting a ride home from a friend, I sat at my computer and contemplated a difficult decision. Did I want to walk to Sheetz and get mozzarella sticks and fries? (Sheetz is where all the drunk IUPers go when hungry.) It was as I was about to write a status about said decision that I came up with the most beautiful piece of writing I ever created. Based off of the first sentence of Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" soliloquy, this is said masterpiece:
"To Sheetz, or not to Sheetz, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous drunkness,
Or to take arms against a sea of hunger,
And by opposing end them: to nom, to eat
Some Sheetz; and by a Sheetz, to say we end
The drunk-noms, and the thousand drunken wants
That flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consumption
Devoutly to be wished."
You are welcome.
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