Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.

While sometimes I may wonder if, in fact, I am insane, I don't think this is the answer. So why, then, do I continue to do the same damn thing, hoping that things might be different? I know how it ends every single time, yet my heart refuses to listen to reason.

Thus, I have come to the only conclusion that can possibly make sense: My heart is a masochist.

Why else would it continue to fall for guy after guy when I know how it will always end? It doesn't matter how many times my mind tries to be rational, my heart refuses to listen. "He doesn't like you that way. Guys like that don't like girls who look like you. It's not worth your time - you know how it always ends." Instead, my heart listens to hopes and dreams and wishes as if they were truth instead of make believe and lies. Like a goddamn enabler they say, "But he's such a nice guy! Maybe he won't care what you look like. Maybe he'll think you're pretty. Maybe this time he'll like you, too." And like the fucking dumbass it is, my heart goes along with it.

"I don't want to see you get your heart broken," my friend says. My heart doesn't seem to agree. "Let's get broken!" my heart says. My heart is not my friend. But, try as I may, I can't get the damn thing to go away. I can't get it to listen to reason. Instead, it follows hopes and dreams around like a gullible child in awe. If only my hopes and dreams would go jump off a cliff so my heart could follow suit and leave me be with my rational thoughts. Then I won't have to worry about getting hurt anymore. Then I won't have to live with the pain of knowing I will never be loved by anyone because love won't matter anymore.