Beauty.

I can't remember the last time I felt beautiful.

And I don't mean the type of cookie cutter model standard of beauty. I mean uniquely beautiful. I can't remember the last time someone who wasn't a family member or a total creep made me feel beautiful. I don't even know if there ever has been a time I felt truly beautiful. I tell myself I am, but there's only so long you can make yourself believe something when it doesn't seem that anyone else does.

It hurts. It hurts not to feel beautiful to someone. To be loved by someone. It hurts knowing there isn't someone in the world who you mean just a little more to than everyone else. I try so hard to be myself and be proud of that, but when no one else seems to think who I am is special... It hurts. It hurts so much.

It's really true what they say: "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Because, if you've lost, at least you had someone who loved you at some point in their lives. To never feel special in anyone's eyes? It sucks. It just sucks.