Inability to Act One's Way Out of A Paper Bag.

I'm a crap actress. As much as it sucks to say it, it's true. I really don't know why I keep picking majors that involve it.

It's not even that I'm just plain crap at it, either. In my head, I'm actually quite good. I know that sounds funny, but I don't mean it in a delusional way. I mean that I know what things make up a good actress and what one needs to do to act well, but it's all stuck in my head. I can't just let go. I think it comes from a fear of being vulnerable, which is the worst fear to have for an actress, because acting (for the most part) is incredibly vulnerable. No, you're not playing yourself, but you have to let yourself go completely to play the part. You have to let yourself feel the emotions, go through the actions, and be the character.

I know all this, yet I can't let myself go. I can't let myself be vulnerable. It's terrifying to me, and I kind of really suck at facing fears.

So I suck at acting.

I should probably find something to do with my life that doesn't involve it. Trouble is, I don't know what.

Fuck.