I don't have a best friend. I don't have a friend who I know every little thing about. Who I can call up whenever and talk about anything. I don't have a friend who knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I don't have any of that.
Sure, I have friends. I have some really good friends who I care so much about, but I'm too terrified to let them get too close. Why? Because of you. You were my best friend. We used to do everything together. Then one day, you stopped talking to me. Completely stopped. You ignored me. I don't even know why. I don't even know what I did to deserve that. One day we were best friends. The next day you hated me. Everyone hated me. I didn't fucking do anything, yet no one liked me. What did I fucking do to you to deserve that?!
Now, I can't let anyone get to close anymore. I can't let go. I can't be vulnerable. I can't be completely honest. I can't trust anyone completely anymore and it's your fault. I can't do any of that because I'm too afraid someone will do the same thing to me for the exact same reason and I don't even know what that reason is. It's not fucking fair. As much as I try to tell myself it wasn't me, and that it was you and your pathetic, immature family, I can't stop being afraid it will happen again.
Fuck you, bitch. I thought I had forgiven you and moved on, but I don't know if I ever will. Fuck you.
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